Brie Gowen

Savor the Essence of Life

The Side Effects Nurses Are Having From COVID-19

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I fell asleep the other night feeling so beaten down and defeated. I had tried to scroll mindlessly through my Facebook newsfeed before bed as I used to do to decompress after a long, thirteen hour shift at the critical care bedside, but it had only succeeded in making me more upset. I wasn’t even mad about the ridiculous post I had seen shared by a friend claiming coronavirus was a “Democratic hoax.” It would have made me mad back in April, when I knew this thing I fought was really real, but at this point, as numbers climbed even faster than I had imagined they would, I was just tired. I had erased the very true comments I had written on the aforementioned post, and I had fallen asleep knowing that was just one more thing I had no control over.

I had zero control over the public’s perception of this virus, and even though I had intimate details of what Covid was really like, it didn’t matter. I could change opinions about this about as much as I could about mushrooms being gross. The fact was a lot of people really liked mushrooms, and I had zero chance of making any of those folks agree with me that they were slippery and weird. Touché. I guess what ground my gears was having an appetite for fungi was a matter of preference, but in my book COVID-19 was as sure as the button nose on my masked face. For me, standing in the muck of this mess, it was not debatable.

And so I drifted asleep feeling bummed that public perception was just one more thing I couldn’t control. This concern toppled over the crown of a hundred other uncontrollable factors I held as a nurse during a pandemic. My healthcare peers and I faced a novel virus, new to us all, and we swam through the treacherous waters together. Initially, much fanfare and support had followed the medical community as we stood bravely against this foe. But now? Not so much. Nurses were no longer the darlings of the working world. We were lumped in with all the other exaggerators, seemingly wringing our hands for a bug that experts on social media described as “basically the flu.” I mean, you can’t applaud someone who combats a fake virus.

The thing was/is, I didn’t need applause. But I did desire someone to take our words for it. Instead it seemed a large part of public opinion favored the advice of YouTubers or folks with one-lettered names like ‘Q.’ I couldn’t tell if people were so scared they convinced themselves it was fake, so distracted by the conspiracy theories that they truly believed it was all a political ploy, or so dense that they didn’t care. After all, I had even seen some people in nonclinical healthcare suggest we all go out and catch it.

Just the day prior I had heard such an idea of herd immunity, and while I understood the general premise and points, I could only reply, “I still can’t figure out what makes you the type of person who this affects like a mild case of the flu versus the people whose lungs are attacked and die. Until they figure that out, I don’t want to roll the dice with my family.”

See, that’s the burden bedside nursing carries. The physicians, respiratory therapists, and nurse aids in the trenches too. We all see what it can and does do to a person. Young, old, healthy, sick. Doesn’t matter. It will kill anybody it so desires. We wish we could end this crap already too, but we’re too personally involved with corona to play roulette.

I see people protesting being required to wear a mask in public places. Meanwhile, I’m triple checking the seal on my respirator to make sure I don’t take this virus home to my family. I see people griping about wearing it for a thirty minute shopping trip. Meanwhile I fall asleep with my nose still feeling numb from the pressure of a mask for thirteen hours straight.

The next morning when I arrived at work, all prayed up, and mostly rested up, almost immediately someone asked me what was wrong. You see, I’m the singing nurse, the smiling nurse, the uplifting one who always lightens dark moods. So when I’m not exuding those things, it’s noticeable. After a second person asked, I realized I was suffering from the side effects of a pandemic. No, I wasn’t sick with a virus, but I was sick with the emotional, physical, and mental toil of the virus. You can only exist in so much uncertainty, sickness, and sadness before you succumb.

I thought of the patient who breathlessly called family to say quickly, “well, they’re putting me to sleep for a while. Talk to you soon.”

The memory left my heart hurting, and I recalled how at the time my eyes had met those of a coworker, both of us hoping that was true, but knowing that statistically and according to gut feeling, the patient likely would not wake up again. And that’s the biggest battle we face. That was what kept us awake at night. That’s what might create future PTSD for many, and it’s what made my spirit feel so heavy since this had begun. The rising case numbers, incidents, and COVID admissions only worsened an already aching heart. It was the thing we wanted to control the most, but the one thing that sadly we could not. No matter how hard we tried. People were dying, a lot of them, and for those accustomed to healing, this bitter pill was especially hard to swallow.

The side effects to COVID-19 on healthcare workers are multifaceted. They’re not just placing their physical bodies at risk, or even that of their families. They are also investing their hearts. The emotional and mental toil cannot be imagined unless you have faced it head on personally. I am a veteran, and I don’t use this term loosely, but I do consider this a battlefield of sorts. Nursing is fighting a war, one they feel they are losing, both at the bedside and in the court of public opinion. We’ve got battle scars already. I can’t imagine how it will feel down the road.

So, if you see a nurse, please cut them some slack. If they’re sharing about the benefits of social distancing, hand hygiene, or wearing a mask, realize it’s because they care. They’re not pushing any hidden agenda, playing politics, or even in on the “government hoax.” The fact is, we’ve seen far too much death already, we anticipate to see much more, and we want to prevent that if at all possible. There’s so much with this pandemic we cannot control, but maybe we can help save a life.

And for goodness sake, stop trying to convince us it’s not a big deal or as bad as the media says! I don’t even watch the news. But I do believe what my eyes tell me. And right now, sometimes through tears, they tell me we have to work together to stop this thing. Please.

We Have Entered a Season of Distraction

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We have entered a difficult season in 2020. It has brought with it unprecedented situations, placing us all in a spot we could have never before fathomed. I remember back in late March of this year feeling like life resembled a Sci-Fi movie, and now it resembles bad, reality tv. I have been saying for months now that I believe something is happening. I believe God is doing something. Perhaps it’s a rebirth, and perhaps He has begun to sort the wheat from the chaff. I wonder, if in this season of difficulty we haven’t also entered a season of testing, and I wonder how we will all come out on the other side.

Yesterday on my way to church I began to pray in the Spirit and immediately had a vision of a piece of metal being forged in a fire. It was a sword. I felt the Lord impress to my heart that we as a Nation were in a purification process, a fire of sorts, designed to burn away all the things not of Him. I realized, of course, that fire is hot. It burns. Many of us would leave the fire of God, drawn to false light, where it was certainly more comfortable, but in doing so we would miss becoming the finished product He intended us to be through this time.

I feel like when we pass through difficult seasons we have two paths we can take. We can take the less traveled, narrow path of Jesus, or we can take the wide and comfortable path. But I guess you remember where that leads. Destruction. I think the problem may come in knowing which path is which, because it’s easy to stumble on distraction from the enemy and get off course before we realize. So I’m going to talk about some ways I believe we lose our course. Consider this a loving, course correction.

Remember the sword in the fire, being forged by the flame to strengthen it? You see, God places us in situations so He can make us more like His Son, and if we’re not seeing Christ in the reflection, then we’ve moved away from the flame (the Holy Spirit). The narrow path, or the hot seat, if you will, isn’t a comfortable path to tread. Your opinion will not be popular. Have you ever heard people say that change is hard? It’s because it’s easier to stay the same. With change, growth, and refinement we must alter the way we have always thought or been taught to line up more with scripture. That is why the path is narrow.

I have seen a lot of things I consider distraction during this season. Distraction comes from the devil, and it is designed to take our eye off what God is doing from a Kingdom mindset. Please understand, this world is not our home, and the offenses we might consider important are not in the grand scheme of eternity. If you find yourself upset over a material thing, consider this might be a distraction by the enemy to take your eyes off what God is really wanting to do.

So, what is eternal? Is it a piece of cloth, or is it a soul being led to Jesus? I won’t mince words here or tiptoe around the subject. It’s really too late for all that. If you are a proclaiming Christian, but you are more concerned with what banner flies over your state than you are with the feelings of brothers and sisters in Christ, then you might just be distracted from what God is really trying to do in our country. He desires all people to come to Christ. It’s easier for followers of Jesus to lay down petty indifferences, but for a nonbeliever, they will only know the heart of God through your actions. So I ask, are your actions bringing nonbelievers to Jesus? That, my friends, is a kingdom mindset. Not pride, heritage, or personal opinion. We should only be interested in the opinion of Christ.

But back to distraction. I first saw it come in fast and hard during the difficult time of social isolation. As people sat at home, worrying about their health, their finances, or their stock options, instead of taking their concerns to Jesus, they found peace in YouTube. It’s laughable, except it’s not.

During a time when people were afraid (and really the basis of this issue is fear), they sought something to give them a sense of control. They couldn’t understand or stop a novel virus, but they could gain a sense of power in knowledge. Remember that tree the Lord instructed Adam not to eat from? As a learned woman, I am all about the pursuit of knowledge, but knowledge becomes a stumbling block when it instills fear. Do you recall Adam and Eve hiding after they had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? God calls to Adam, and Adam finally responds that he was hiding from God, fearful because he was naked.

God asked, “who told you that you were naked?”

Today, I wonder, who tells us what we should fear? What we should place of value? What we hold as an idol above God? I watched hundreds of friends place their trust in their pursuit of awareness. I’m all for being aware (or woke, if you will), but if I am placing my hope in my own awareness, what good is it? I saw so many conspiracy theories, all promoting themselves as “the truth,” but in this false light we were rejecting the real truth. People became so distracted by what someone else (serpent or otherwise) was proclaiming as the truth, that they missed what God was doing with COVID.

God was trying to bring His children closer, show them His heart, show them His provision, His healing, and His power. That fire burned, y’all, and many of us jumped out to pursue a false light. We spent time chasing a white rabbit rather than seeking the Heart of the Father. Time that should have been spent in scripture and prayer was spent on social media and our smartphones. We failed the first test.

We’re not doing any better now. I said earlier that if you look at the reflection of yourself, that you are the metal being refined in the fire, do you see His reflection, or do you see the world?

Enter the next great distraction.

If you cling to a distraction over being the hands and feet of Jesus, then you are the problem. Remember, I promised not to tiptoe around this issue. If your heart would rather grab at any straw it can to explain why you can’t be loving, then you are part of the problem. Wait, I said I’d spell this out obviously for you.

Let’s take Black Lives Matter, as an example. After the death of George Floyd, God shined a big ole light on racial inequality and injustice. Eyes that had been closed for years suddenly were opened. Hearts changed. I changed. I’m not too proud to admit it. I followed the heart of Jesus, and I was able to see the areas where my own pride had prevented me from humbling myself like my Savior would do. But, since the devil is a liar, he had to bring distraction to trip folks up.

Did you know that you can believe that the lives of your black brothers and sisters matter without taking on all of the core values of an organization of the name BLM? For instance, I do not support Planned Parenthood at all due to their abortion stance. The organization Black Lives Matter does support it. Yet, I can still support people of color by saying yes, your life matters, and until everyone in this country agrees it does, I will stand with you and proclaim Black Lives Matter! It doesn’t mean I’m a leftist, liberal, or pro choice. It actually means I’m pro life, because I believe that all lives truly matter, and I show that by supporting people who have been wrongly oppressed for years.

If you’re using the disguise of the BLM organization’s beliefs as a reason for you to not support your friends of color, you might just be distracted by the enemy. Like, really, you probably are. You see, it’s easier to grab at a reason not to support racial equality than to admit you have been wrong in the past, to admit your country was wrong, the founding fathers were wrong, and a lot of what your grandma taught you was wrong. Remember, the narrow road isn’t easy. It involves admitting the ugliness of your flesh. It involves admitting you were wrong. It involves change. It involves doing things differently. Why? Because that’s the kingdom way!

Do you realize what a shake up it was for the Jewish believers when Jesus arrived on the scene?! He upended everything they had held dear. They wanted to hold to their laws of Moses, but Jesus wanted to show them a new way. Many couldn’t bare it. It was too hard to let go of the old way.

If it’s easier for you to believe this is a political stunt to throw Trump out of office than to believe that humans of flesh (a different color) and blood (the same color) just want to be treated the same, then you are part of the problem. You are allowing the distraction of political parties to blind you to human decency. The narrow path says it’s time to change the system that was built on unequal laws and assumptions. The wide path says this is a way for “the Left to take our Bibles and guns from us.” The narrow path begs us to look more closely at a judicial system that treats people of different colors and backgrounds differently, and this same narrow path demands an upheaval. The wide path would say to focus instead of material things like pancake syrup and state flags rather than the fact that black men are arrested more because they’re black, not because of crimes committed. Yes, it hurts to admit the truth, but it’s better than grabbing at distraction that’s so much easier for us to swallow. Distraction goes down like Aunt Jemima’s syrup.

Let’s look again at the forged metal. When you look at your actions do you see the character of Jesus, or do you see the world’s distraction? Are your words, actions (and inactions), and social media posts bringing further division or attempting to bridge a much-too-long racial gap?

Yes, there are angry people of color out there, but they have every right to be. How would you feel as a mother or father if you feared for your son’s life simply because of the way he looked? Don’t allow the rage or violence of nonbelievers to threaten your ability to be a beacon for Christ. Your actions should draw people to the cross, and your humility should allow you to lay your own down and follow His example. Jesus would always tell you to proceed with love, and if your reflection from this year’s season of fire isn’t showing you that, then you need to jump back in. If you look and see distraction is causing you to proceed in anything but love, get back to the right path. You’re lost, bro. Let love guide you.

Don’t let this season be one where you remain distracted, but let it be one where God changes you for the better. Allow the Lord to burn away everything not of Him. Let only love remain. Because in the end, it’s not a flag that we will take to heaven. It’s not bragging rights that our political candidate won or our theory on the Rothschilds and Rockefellers was correct. It will be the souls we lead to Jesus that accompany us. It will be our children that we have shown the way. It won’t be a record of how many times we were right, but we will be shown a record of how many we treated wrong. The narrow path lays down anger, turns the other cheek, gives a coat too when a shirt is demanded, and understands love is the greatest commandment of all. Anything else is just distraction.

The Second Prodigal Son

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We all love the parable of the Prodigal Son, and if you’re like me you’ve seen yourself mirrored in his runaway actions. We take joy at the Father who loves us, despite our sin, and the gratitude for being lost, but then found brings us joy. Who hasn’t sung the words to Amazing Grace and thanked the Lord for once being lost, but finally being found? We see ourselves in this Lost, Prodigal Son, but we rejoice that we now have eyes to see! But my question today is, do we truly see? Do we really? Or are we as lost as the second, prodigal son?

It’s easy to remember the son who strayed in the story, the one who was seeped in sin, but came back begging for his Father’s forgiveness. What we disregard is the second son, who (in regards to) at the end of the parable we’re left open-ended. Did he see what the Father was trying to impart?

In the familiar parable, if you’ll remember, the Father rejoices over his lost son’s return. He gathers for him a ring, the finest of robes, and prepares a wonderful feast. What we might forget is the second son, the brother of the lost, who in is own actions is just as wayward. As we read this parable we see Jesus introducing us to another prodigal, one who we cannot know if he was ever found.

The second son stands outside the banquet feast, sweltering in his anger. When speaking with his father he admits his rage and envy.

Luke 15: 28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

Upon reading these verses I wondered what Jesus might have been trying to convey, what warning He could offer to us today. I realized that although I had always seen myself as the first son, I had to be careful not to become the second prodigal. The second prodigal was like the church. He was the child who knew his father, and he resided in his home. He wasn’t lost, per se, yet I think he was blind. Even though he lived among his Father, he was blind to his father’s heart. He was blinded by his own pride and selfishness. Do we as believers fall into this trap?

When the lost come to the Father’s house, are we quick to say, “but Dad, look at the way they have sinned against you!”

Do we try and usurp the celebration with our own eyes of judgement? When the Father says love, do we say, “but, Dad?!”

Do we rush out in compassion and open arms like our Father, or do we stand outside arguing why there’s cause for celebration?

Jesus gives us three parables in Luke 15, once again overstating his point, knowing we needed such. He tries to impress the importance of “the one.” The one who is lost, the one who is hurting, the one who needs compassion and a welcoming embrace. Yet, do we, as the second prodigal, get lost on where His heart stands in this matter? Do we instead look at the one as oneself? In other words, do we make everything all about us?

I matter. I didn’t do anything wrong. My sin isn’t as big as his. What about my feelings, my rights, and my opinion on the matter? We miss the Father’s cause for celebration. We miss the Father’s desire to pluck his one son from the pig pen and bring him to the table. We miss our brother is hungry and in rags for clothing. Instead we ask, “what about my goat, or my royal robe?!”

Luke 15: 31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

And that’s the end of it. The final line of the parable. I’m left wondering, did he see his Father’s heart? Did he ever understand why he was just as lost, and just as much of a sinner by begrudging his brother? Will we ever understand the same?

The Father’s heart is pure. He doesn’t say to his son, “how dare you squander my wealth? What makes you think you can come home now?!”

And do you see what he says to the second son?

“All you have is mine.”

As believers, we shouldn’t act as nonbelievers. To think another brother is taking what belongs to us, that is putting a limit on the Father’s infinite riches, and this should not be so. We are lost when we worry our brother is taking what belongs to us. The truth is our Father gives us what we need. We are lost when we point out the sin of our brother. Our Father doesn’t pinpoint ours, but offers forgiveness for all. Remember, Jesus did not come to judge the lost, but to save them. We mustn’t take up the gavel. We are lost when we cannot see the Father’s heart for our brother. The only question is, will we stay lost, fuming outside the banquet, or will we heed the words of our Father and join the celebration?

All our Father has is ours. We shouldn’t fear what might be taken. Our Father’s heart is one of forgiveness, compassion, and love. How can we view our brothers and sisters with anything less?

There was a second Prodigal Son that day, and my hope for humanity would be that he would listen to the voice of his Father, seeing that He gives us all more than enough. The parable leaves us wondering, but my hope is that we the church will write the ending. My hope is that we will join with our brothers and sisters at the Father’s table, not looking at what our brother (who was hurting) has been given, but looking at what we (in our own good gifts) may give back.

I Want to Be an Abagail!

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Today I was reading in the book of 1 Samuel (chapter 25), and I was touched by something I read and how it spoke to things going on today. So bear with me, as I’m going to put an Old Testament story into my own words, and allow it to speak to your heart also what the Holy Spirit spoke to me.

There was a man named Nabal. He was a wealthy guy with land and herds, which gave him power in a way, but he also was hard-hearted. David happens to be near Nabal’s land when he’s running from Saul. In the area where Nabal’s sheep have been grazing, David and his men have been kind to Nabal’s servants, not taking their supplies (even though they outnumbered them and could have), and actually going so far as to surround and protect the herds from outside aggression.

David and his men are in a place where they’ve been falsely accused and treated unfairly by the murderous Saul (who if you remember, was influenced by Satan at times). In their running for their life they need some food, and thinking ‘well, we’ve been kind and helpful to Nabal’s men. Let’s ask him in humility if he can spare some kindness (and food) our way.

Nabal refuses. He even shouts back insults their way, like, ‘why should I help you? Your problem isn’t my problem!’

Nabal had what he needed, and even though evil forces were trying to murder David, Nabal turned his back on him. Nabal was quite comfortable in his good life. Why get involved in this Saul/David squabble. In fact, how dare David ask for his help, or expect kindness when he’s being unjustly pursued.

But enter Abagail. Oh, Abagail. My heart smiles.

She’s standing back watching all this. Servants brought it to her attention and she’s like, ‘this isn’t right!’

Meanwhile, David is rightfully angry. He’s like, ‘why is Nabal so mad and hurling insults at me? I have been kind, helped him, and now when I need him in this situation I’m in, that I did nothing to cause, he throws shade my way! That’s it! It’s on!’

David is ready to throw down with Nabal. Kill him, in fact. He gathers his men and says ‘let’s march!’

Look. God doesn’t want David to pay back Nabal. He knows that evil for evil is pointless, and that in the end, it will only harm David more. So God raises up Abigail to stand in the gap.

Abagail gets together a ‘love offering,’ if you will, of water, bread, meat, and takes it directly to David. I like that she didn’t send her servants to do this. She went. Just a woman (remember the station of women in Biblical times). She had no real authority, but she did have the truth and sight of the situation, so she went forward in love.

She meets David halfway in his march to put a hurting on Nabal. She jumps off her donkey and apologizes to David! Y’all, she didn’t do a darn thing wrong. So, why is she apologizing?! It’s like she decides wrong has been done. Nabal can’t see it. Someone has to speak for what’s right. Someone has to help David and his men who have been treated so unjustly by Saul (the king, super power).

Abagail says she’s sorry for Nabal not seeing this. She’s sorry he’s so full of himself that he can’t see what’s right. That he can’t see it in his heart to help someone who is oppressed. She says ‘here David. Take these supplies. Please accept my apology for Nabal. I will stand in his place for what he did. Blame me!’

In our humanness we can’t imagine why she would do this. It’s her pig-headed husband who’s being a jerk. Yet, I think God put this on her heart. I think He opened her eyes to what was wrong, and even though she wasn’t wrong, per se, Nabal was her husband. He wouldn’t humble himself, but she could in his place. God didn’t want David causing himself and his men more harm by doing evil. So He appointed Abagail to intercede and to stand up for justice, to stand in the gap and offer love.

That was all David needed. He let go of his anger to kill Nabal. In the end, like, less than a month later, Nabal died! Talk about God fighting for you!

David says to Abagail after, ‘the Lord knew I didn’t need to pay back evil with evil. So He sent you to me. Now, God has taken up my cause and fought the battle for me.’

Then he married her. 😆 That part makes me laugh. But remember, women had no way to support themselves at this time. So really David marrying her is God’s way of providing for her after her husband’s evil causes his demise. She did what was right in God’s eyes, the evil is taken care of by God, and then God takes care of Abagail for following His lead. Talk about an inspiring story!

Y’all, I want to be an Abagail! I want to stand for what’s right. I want God to be able to open my eyes when something near to me is wrong. Even if I haven’t done the wrong, per se, I want to see it and act accordingly. I don’t want to stay in my comfortable home and send my servants with some money for the cause. I want to get on my donkey, take the journey, then jump off my ass (see what I did there) and stand in the gap. Humble myself, because y’all, scripture says she threw her face into the dirt at David’s feet. Wow. Talk about humility.

I want to be an Abagail. I want God to use me to prevent harm, to shine His light and truth before further harm ensues. I want to be used by God to provide myself where He leads, to give to those who need my help, and to even get dirty (laying in the desert sand) if that’s what it takes.

Do you want to be an Abagail too? Understand that many people will not understand your actions, but God will reward your heart that mirrors His own.

Art by Morgan Harper Nichols

The Devil Will Use Christians to Discourage You

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This morning as I prayed in the Spirit I felt like my prayers were ones of warfare. I’m certain many people would agree that below the surface of the differing opinions on social media or the civil unrest around us, in the places we cannot see, a battle rages for our hearts and minds. It’s a spiritual battle, and as the enemy tries to wreak havoc, sending his demonic forces to whisper discouragement and deception, the prayers of God’s saints strengthen the angel armies who surround His children with protection. The thing is, Satan is pretty good at what he does. I mean, he’s not called the Great Deceiver for nothing! He knows exactly where to plant his troops, but he’s not inserting his soldiers where you might think.

No, it’s not on the streets or in the gutters where he plants the enemy’s whisper. It’s not in the strip clubs, bars, or prisons where you would see the greatest battle for good, if you could see in the spiritual realm. My husband is fond of saying, “if you’re looking for the devil, don’t try the home of sinners. Look in the church instead.”

That’s a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow, but the truth usually is. You see, if someone is a slave to sin already, the powers of darkness don’t have to work as hard to keep them down. But believers? Now those are the devil’s favorite people to blind and fool.

I can remember a couple of years ago deciding to unfriend a very pious, self-proclaimed “prophet for the Lord,” Facebook friend of mine. I had known her for over twenty years, and in fact, the first time we had met, in church, with me as a brand new believer, she had introduced herself not by name, but with a comment about how something I was wearing was “demonic.” Talk about speechless. I remember not knowing what to say back then. Did I leave? Did I say I’m sorry, I had no idea. In the end, thankfully, I let the hurt leave my mind as quickly as it entered. Instead I learned why my earrings could be seen as occult, and why as a believer I should stray from such things. I let her abrupt manner not harm me, but this first interaction wouldn’t be our last.

When I finally decided to separate myself from this woman who had done nothing but discourage me every time I interacted with her, I wondered if she even knew the devil used her to crush the spirit of fellow believers. I considered the many times she argued with me as I tried to learn more about scripture, or the way she answered me condescendingly when I sought wisdom from others in the church. I remembered all the other times I had seen her attack multiple Christians (without provocation) for their feelings or beliefs, in a public manner, like she was the judge and jury for Jesus Himself. It grieved my heart to think of the people trying to find the love of Christ, but encountering her hard judgment, callous behavior, and obvious disdain for those she considered less learned than herself. I couldn’t imagine how many people she might have pushed away from His throne, so she could throw herself there in unrealized hypocrisy.

Yeah, I know, my words sound pretty harsh, but after so many years of watching people leave Christianity because of other believers in Christ, I am feeling pretty harsh. I’m angry. I’m mad that my brothers and sisters allow themselves to be used by the enemy to keep others from seeing Jesus. It’s the greatest tragedy of our time.

Back to my early Christianity, I can recall so many instances where members of the church unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally) discouraged me. I can recall a year into my walk with Christ having the desire and call to become a missionary. I was on fire, y’all! I wanted to share the Good News that had saved me. I did all the leg work, and was over halfway through the fundraising for my discipleship training when I decided to beseech my home congregation to help me financially. Look, I never would expect someone to give where the Lord isn’t leading, but this incident hurt me deeply.

I sought the help of the small, Southern Church I had attended for twelve years of my life, a church devoid of the Holy Spirit in many ways. For although I had attended this church since the age of eight, I sadly didn’t understand a relationship with Jesus until I found it in another congregation. But still I had stayed loyal to my parent’s church, attending there on Sunday, and then going to the congregation where I discovered the realness of God and how much He loved me on Sunday nights. I hope this isn’t confusing.

It was the dead, Sunday-morning building I decided to ask for help. The one that had seen me grow up and even dunked in their baptismal. Not that they had explained at the time what baptism was supposed to mean. Although my Spirit-thriving, Sunday-night church of Jesus lovers had already contributed to my missions without being asked, I found it necessary to attend a business meeting to submit my request for an offering, approved by the deacons and an elder vote, to see if I could get assistance from the church that held my “membership letter.” What is that anyway?

To make a long story short, they voted not to help me financially, giving the reason “if we fund your mission work, we’ll have to fund the mission work of anyone else in the congregation who asks. We can’t afford to help everybody.”

As an on-fire, new (true) believer in Jesus, their behavior hurt me, but it didn’t put out my fire. Of note, that particular story is just one of many.

I could tell numerous stories of discouragement and judgement I’ve seen through the years. Times where I tried to fit into the “Christian kids” clique, but my parents didn’t make enough money, or my family didn’t have a good enough reputation to make the cut. I can tell you times I was discriminated against as a young woman by Christian adults for the clothes I wore or the tattoo my mom had let me get at seventeen. I can remember being removed from a drama stage or barred from a team for these things that should have caused these more seasoned believers to take me under their wing and mentor me instead of publicly humiliating me. I can remember when I had a problem with alcohol being condemned rather than encouraged that the Lord could help me break the cycle of alcoholism in my family. Welcome to life in the Bible Belt.

With all the discouragement I received from believers, it’s amazing that I remained one. I wasn’t taught from birth the love of the Lord like I’m teaching my children. I didn’t have that stable foundation to keep me grounded when temptation came my way, or worse, when the devil used fellow followers of God to try and break me. It is only by the grace of God, the forgiveness of Jesus, the love of the Holy Spirit, and the guidance from true Christians, in word and deed, that kept me from leaving the church forever. It shouldn’t be this way.

The thing is, the lady I mentioned finally unfriending, she was the member of a really wonderful church of believers. See, you can find a really great barrel of apples, but there’s always that one rotten one that will try and ruin the whole thing for you. Don’t let them!

The devil and his minions are in the church, y’all, and I’m sure if you’ve seen the posts of some of your friends on social media lately, you’ve seen some not very loving behavior. He wreaks havoc, causes division, and cultivates pride. He whispers offense, steals peace, and replaces it with rage. He loosens tongues to speak words that are better left unsaid, and he manipulates the truth worse than even your most deplorable politician. Why are we falling for it, time and time again?

In times of attack from enemy forces, you have to pull out your weapons of warfare, starting with The Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. It’s the thing that will cut through the lies. So, keep reading your Bible, my friends.

If you’re finding yourself discouraged, I would encourage you to apply the helmet of salvation. If you have been saved by the blood of Jesus, they can try to beat you over the head with the parts of the Bible they choose, but they will not break through your armor. Jesus has set you free from the yoke of sin, and don’t let anyone make you feel like a failure.

If you’re like me, and you find your heart broken by all this hypocrisy, put on the breastplate of righteousness. We are in this world, but not of this world. His righteousness guards our hearts.

Use your shield of faith to stop the enemy’s arrows. Your heritage as a child of the king is the only thing that makes you who you are. You are precious in His sight, and this is the truth that will keep you by His side when the enemy attacks. Sadly, many times he attacks through God’s people. I wish it wasn’t so.

My best advice is to find your people. There are congregations and believers who walk in Spirit and truth, who care more about your adoption into the family of God than who your earthly family is. Find your family of true believers who don’t care so much about the outfit you wear, but more about the fact that Jesus has given us all garments of white. Find your Godly mentor, that spiritual parent, who will speak truth and life, and teach you, not diminish you. I promise these people exist. Don’t allow the loud, hateful voices to drown out the true ones.

We (the Church) Have to Do Better

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Not long ago I had a coworker say to me, “if more people were like you, Brie, I might still go to church.”

Sharing this comment is in no way a tooting of my own horn. I am certainly God’s continuous work in progress, as I’m fond of saying, but what my friend said does lend credit to a problem I’m seeing more and more. It seems like Christians are killing the church. Or rather, religion is thwarting relationship. Either way, it’s a travesty.

Nothing has brought this more to the forefront of my mind than recent events in society. I’ve discovered a whole lot of people who can quote scripture, but not near as many who actually live out scripture. In other words, people can recite, “the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and the second to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39), yet when it comes to walking out this love, we lack.

I have been utterly heartbroken for weeks now, but not about the things you might think. Yes, the violence is devastating and the injustice catastrophic, but it wasn’t the police brutality that broke me. It wasn’t the looting and rioting that made me mad. In the end, the absolute worst thing I’ve seen come out of society after the murder of George Floyd was the response from a large majority of the Christian community.

Even now, as some people read these words, their quills will rise and the claws will come out. They will buck up defensively and begin justifying their behavior without even trying to absorb the rest of my thoughts. It makes me think of my nine year old when I try to lovingly correct her to teach her something I’ve learned the hard way, through trial and effort. She typically gets mad, sullen, and pouts that I would dare say such a meany thing. But she’s nine. I think one of the biggest marks of personal growth is the ability to accept correction, check your heart, and move forward in change as necessary. Sadly, that is also lacking.

Individuals who claim to be children of God have shared some of the cruelest, insensitive posts on social media that I have ever seen. It. Blows. My. Mind. They try to justify their ugliness by saying, “this society has become one that gets offended by everything,” but I don’t think that’s it. I think we are a growing society that realizes change is necessary, that kindness is a good quality, that human worth isn’t based on our opinion. So, you can call it being offended if that helps you sleep at night. I call it being a decent human being. We should all try it sometime.

Somewhere along the way the church has backtracked to pre-Jesus time. The Pharisees are still here, is what I’m saying; they just disguise themselves as followers of Jesus. But to follow Jesus, you have to follow His example. Somehow we missed that part.

We’ve fallen back on the law, forgetting about grace. We’ve appointed ourselves as judges, but the craziest part of that is only some sins are an offense to the law of man. For example, in the court of the church, not all sins are equal. The sins you can keep hidden are okay. Don’t steal, unless it’s cheating on your taxes. After all, the government is run by left leaning liberals who just want to give money to people who don’t want to work! See how we can justify our sins?

You can get a divorce if you don’t love your spouse anymore. You can commit adultery, sexually harass your secretary, or get slobbering drunk each night, but don’t dare enter a homosexual relationship. I know, you’ll argue that you don’t hold one sin higher than the other, but is that really true? Do you post memes about adultery and drunkenness ruining our country? Do you make fun of, whisper about, or treat the divorcee different when they try to walk up and talk to you? Do you bar them from your congregation? Do you ignore the envy in your own heart or carry a haughty spirit with a smile? Why is it that we as a Christian society get to decide what sins get us really worked up, but others we can just give a pass on?

I will pause to say a few things here, because I have to for some folks before they bring it up first. One, I follow the Bible for what is and what isn’t approving in God’s eyes. No denying scripture, ok? This isn’t about defining sin; it’s about rating sin. In this instance I’m referring to the fact that some churches, areas of the country, or groups of Christians feel it’s their responsibility to place sin on a scale of one to ten. I don’t think that’s necessary, and it’s certainly not impacting the world in a positive way.

Two, I am using the term “church” in this post, and I don’t want that to be taken in a derogatory sense. It’s like I tell my children, “if I’m not talking about you, then it’s not about you.” Read that again, please. In other words, I love the church in a sense of believers gathering to help one another grow and mature in Christ. I personally love my church. I do not approve of the “church” when it tries to take the role of God, and in essence pushes people away from the Lord.

Three, I have to say this now because I am about to go into the subject. I am pro-life. This is a big deal to me. Huge. I find sanctity of life hugely important. It’s top priority. My problem comes with other people who oppose abortion like me, but treat other human beings like they are not worthy of life. All human interaction should be about sanctity of life, but for some reason, it’s not.

Hey, I’ve been guilty. I have based my political vote on the issue of abortion, letting that stance sway my vote, but I can see now that life as a Christian isn’t that easy. I thought with an issue like abortion, the choice is black or white (something I still believe), but if I’m using that one gauge to test my candidate, I’m missing the fact that he/she may not value the life of minorities, immigrants, or women. That makes sanctity of life a gray issue, sadly, and we have to ask ourselves what Jesus would do. I’ve heard people say that a politician doesn’t have to be a good person, but just good at their role. I think of my nursing job. If I was rude and did not have compassion for my patients, but I had great clinical skills, would folks still say I was a good nurse?

Another consideration, you will never change anyone’s heart by pointing out their sin when you first meet. In other words, unless you’ve developed a relationship with someone, you cannot get them to see what you think you can so clearly see. In scripture Jesus didn’t go up to prostitutes and tell them to quit being a ho. He sat down to dinner with them. I hear a lot the reciting of the part of the verse where Jesus says to the adulterous woman, “go and sin no more.” People use this as an excuse for their behavior when calling out the sins of strangers, as if the stranger’s sin is worse than their own. You know, because they miss the whole beginning part of the verse about needing to be sinless before you throw a stone. But let’s just let that part go for the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say it’s ok for the sinful to throw stones at the more sinful. Looking back at Jesus, He didn’t just walk up to someone on Facebook and say, “don’t sin anymore.” Y’all, He had just saved her life. He stood up for her, putting His own reputation and life at risk. He formed a relationship with her in these actions, and that’s why she listened when He encouraged her to leave her life of sin.

Followers of Jesus, back in His day, changed their life because of their love for Him. He didn’t demand it of them. He didn’t try to scare or guilt them into it. He loved them into it. He was honest, but loving. And that’s mostly the way life should work now. The hypocritical, religious will try and beat sinners with their Bibles. As a sinner, I know. In my past, sinful life of drunkenness and promiscuity, I had some horrible things said to me by so-called Christians. It is only the immense love of God that drew me in despite their behavior. I look at how we’ve treated the black community, founding our country on laws that made it okay to treat them less, and I know it was the Lord’s great love that called them into His arms. Certainly not the example of early, White Christianity.

In times when people are hurting, the church should be the first to say, “I’m sorry this hurts you. What can I do?”

Instead we’re too busy grumbling about pancake syrup.

In times when people are a slave to sin, the church should be the one asking them over for dinner, not throwing bricks. Yes, bricks, not small stones.

What we shouldn’t be doing is justifying bad behavior. We shouldn’t be saying things like, “you won’t be discriminated against if you can just be like me.”

We can’t make excuses for why someone was murdered. We can’t act like we know what the walk is like in someone else’s shoes. We shouldn’t take personal offense at another human being demanding they be treated as a human being. We should humble ourselves to try and see the point of view of another, rather than simply digging stubborn heels into the ground.

We shouldn’t make a mockery of another’s pain. Even what you consider the funniest joke, is in poor taste when it hurts another. We shouldn’t be placing blame on political parties or media manipulation (even though I do believe those exist) as a reason to gloss over certain sins, like racism. Diverting blame doesn’t erase injustice. Not talking about something doesn’t make it go away. That’s why a whole generation of children who were sexually abused by the “church” (I use that term loosely) are still trying to put together the pieces. But that’s a blog for another day.

Do you know why my coworker said what she did? She has witnessed hypocrisy. Religious people calling out other’s sawdust of sin before addressing their own plank. She’s seen the cruel hatred and bigotry, and this comment was before 2020 had even begun. Sadly, the Christian church has a long history of murdering and silencing people in the name of Jesus. I can’t imagine the pain He must have over what we have done, but even more so, what we continue to do.

Jesus gave us in great detail the instructions for carrying on His church, a church much different from the religious sect that preceded it. The problem is, although hard to belief, a large part of the church doesn’t read the instruction manual. I mean, they go to a church building on Sunday, but they have no clue that the church should also reside in them. They go by how they’ve been raised, or what they’ve always been taught, yet they’re resistant to allow the Holy Spirit to speak His truth. In fact, I think they’ve forgotten about the Holy Spirit all together.

In this life, as a Christian, we must walk in Spirit and in truth. The truth is found in His Word, the Bible, and you obtain His truth by reading, studying, and meditating on scripture. His Holy Spirit will speak if we confess our own sins and ask for His clarity and wisdom. There’s nothing wrong with asking the Lord to shed light on a situation for you. He can speak to us all. In John 16 Jesus told us “when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you into all the truth.” Y’all, it’s time we let him guide us into all the truth.

I believe there is a terrible Spirit of Religion that oppresses a large portion of the Christian church, and it is binding us from loving our neighbor as Christ instructed. It tells us to condemn the sinner, not the sin. It places self worth or a person’s identity on the sin we may see, rather than the fact that even sinners are children of God, and in fact, we are all sinners, the whole lot. It’s not our job to cast stones or pass judgement, but it is our job to show the lost Jesus in us. It’s not our job to treat others less, but it is our job to treat them as we would wish to be treated. It isn’t our job to search for sin in others, but it is our job to confess our own. It is our duty to bear the fruit of the Spirit ( love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control), something that has all but disappeared on many “Christian’s” Facebook timelines.

Do the words you speak bring life? Are you taking offense at every turn? Are you seeing life with a Kingdom mindset? Ask, how does this have an impact on eternity? How do my actions have an impact on the eternity of others? Ouch. Are your actions leading people to Jesus, or are they just showing them your opinion (that really only matters this side of eternity)? Do you desire to see those who disagree with you in Heaven, or do you just want to prove that you’re right? When did we get the idea it’s up to us to fix folks, rather than setting the example and letting God do the hard, heart changes?

Matthew 5: 38-48 You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

I know that’s asking a lot of us, but no one every said this walk would be easy. I included the above verses because although all humanity should follow this example, they do not. But if you claim the title of Christian, then it is your duty to follow it. We cannot focus on what others do or don’t do, but we can focus on our own actions.

I don’t have life all figured out and I fail daily, but I do have a heart that desires to be like Jesus. I do desire to follow His example. My point in writing this post isn’t to condemn fellow believers in Jesus, but to submit to you that we all can follow Him better than we do. We can all fish for men rather than pushing them away from the boat. Christianity comes with a lofty heritage (since we like that word so much), and we should strive to live up to the name and example of Christ. I’m willing to work on it, and I pray you will be too.

How to Respond When People Disagree With You on Facebook

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This morning as I walked to our van I felt a strong desire to worship and praise the Lord. So as I drove down the road I began to praise God for all the many wonderful things He was in my life. I started praying in the spirit, and as I prayed I had a vision of a large, concrete wall. It was as tall as the Hoover Dam, and I knew this represented the enormous divide that separated this country right now. I continued to pray, and as I did a huge explosion occurred breaking apart the gigantic barrier at its base.

I knew in my heart that it was the combined prayers of believers that caused the wall to crumble, and I realized this was what we needed. Believers in Christ needed to come together in truth and the power of Jesus to destroy strongholds of the enemy.

I felt my own conviction, understanding that petty (in a kingdom sense) disagreement was the work of the enemy, and he used this distraction to prevent saints from combining their prayers to move the mountains of sin in this country. As long as Satan could keep our eyes on ourselves and our desire to be right, he could keep our eyes off what God was doing. I understood then that I didn’t need to be right. I had nothing to prove, and I couldn’t change minds likely anyway. Only God could change hearts. It didn’t matter if I was right or wrong when it came right down to it, because I served an all-knowing God. His will would be done, and His purposes would reach completion.

As I continued to pray I understood that the detonating force behind the explosion of the dividing wall was worship. Worship was faith in action. Worship said nothing mattered but God in control. To worship amidst confusion was to say, “I know my God will bring truth and victory in the end.”

Satan would have us to argue. His enemy army would whisper offense into our hearts, and his demons would stoke the fires of rage. In our uncontrollable anger we missed the fact that we were powerless in our arguments, and the only thing it really did was add more bricks to the wall.

Understand, that’s not to say speaking up for injustice and speaking truth is pointless and without merit. Jesus would always have us speak up for truth. Speaking truth can open eyes, ears, and hearts. That is what we’re seeing right this moment. No, what I’m talking about is the hardened hearts that wear a blindfold, with heels dug in deep. No amount of well-written or eloquently spoken words can change every mind. In this case we worship. We worship the God who can, and our collective worship has the power to tear down walls, to build bridges, and to shine light in the darkest places.

I think we all need work on this. We need to ask ourselves, do I continue to argue or do I simply worship? Do I continue to be angry, or do I lay it down to praise a God who can do all things?

The past couple of days I’ve found that after only a few minutes on social media I see something that wants to make me angry. It can be overwhelming, depressing, and totally frustrating. In those moments I have remained silent, closed my app, and opened my Bible. Only the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God can give clarity amidst so much confusion. In times of so much noise, we require the whisper of His Spirit to quiet our spinning minds and hurting hearts. In place of angry disputes that have no end, we need the act of worship to break down the strongholds we cannot even see. It’s not flesh and blood we fight, but principalities and powers of darkness. To worship is to walk in faith for the one who wins over all evil.

So, I will choose to worship. Will you?

3 Facts From the Nurse

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I was so excited when things started to get back to normal status post quarantine, and I know you agree. While the family time was great and it was awesome to slow down and reflect on life, in all reality I was tired of an isolation world. I missed going to restaurants and letting my children go out into the neighborhood to play with their friends. I wanted the public pool reopened, and I wanted to go into a store without worrying I might contract something. I wanted store shelves to be fully stocked, and more than anything I wanted people to see my smile that the face mask hid. I was ready for a return to normal.

As a critical care nurse, I talked with my peers about a resurgence of COVID-19 before restrictions even lifted. I mean, we intelligently hypothesized it would, but I guess there was that part of me, the starry-eyed dreamer, perhaps, who hoped that Coronavirus could just disappear. Yet despite my desires, I knew it had not, and that knowledge was nailed home this week. So, consider this a Public Service Announcement, friendly reminder, or simply some advice from your friend on the frontlines of healthcare.

1. COVID-19 did not disappear. I repeat, it did not magically go away. The numbers of active cases began to fall because, logically, the population had been self isolating at home for a month or more. The powers that be wanted to prevent a spike of infection that would overwhelm the healthcare system. Remember the term “flatten the curve?” Well, they did just that. We (pat yourself on the back) did just that. We kept contamination and disease spread at a minimum while stuck at home, and in that process saw infection rate numbers drop from their April highs to a nice May low. Good job.

As numbers dropped the noise became less. The news networks found new stories to report, and COVID took the backseat. But hear me now. Just because it’s not on every single news channel, that doesn’t mean we cured it. It’s still here.

2. COVID-19 pandemic was not a hoax! Listen, I love a conspiracy theory as much as the next guy, but trust me on this one. It is sadly and tragically very real. While working on the frontlines of COVID, in a critical care COVID isolation unit, in a large, multi-ethnic, highly populated area, I saw far too much of this pandemic. My area wasn’t as bad as NYC, but in the face of this disease, it doesn’t have to be. Outcomes were not great, and I had to be intentional in self care not to crumble under the stress and depression of far too much death from this disease. I wish to God it wasn’t real, but none of us can unsee the fear on our patients’ faces or soon forget the tearful prayers over the phone with family.

I know that when things improve it’s easier to say the problem was overstated. When you desire for life to return to normal it’s easier to convince yourself it was never that bad. I mean, you can go into public without fear if you tell yourself the government and media faked statistics to exert control. When you don’t know someone personally who has suffered with Coronavirus or who has worked around it, it’s easy to ignore. You can just pretend it was never a thing to begin with, and you can get back to life per usual. Gosh, I wish I had the privilege of thinking this way.

3. COVID-19 numbers are on the rise. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news. I don’t want to be a joy-kill. I want to go to the mall and take my kids to amusement parks. I want everything like it was before, but that time is not right now. I don’t honestly know if things will ever be the same, and in some ways, maybe they shouldn’t be. Remember the great stuff we learned through this all? Like, washing your hands? Yes, we should still be doing that.

Three weeks ago I saw the best COVID-19 positive numbers I’ve seen since this started. It was awesome!! The unit was almost empty, and it seemed a welcoming sight compared to the previous couple of months.

Two weeks ago I barely noticed that the numbers had doubled I think a part of my brain acknowledged the fact, but that hopeful gal inside tried to push it away.

This week the numbers doubled again. This week staffing is tight to care for these people, and the rooms are filling back up. When I saw the number of positive cases I knew this was it. This was the predicted spike/return/resurgence of cases after restrictions were lifted. Y’all, I’m not gonna lie; it kinda scared me.

Here’s the thing. We can beat this. We can be smart. We can do the things we know we need to do. Do you remember how soap, Lysol, Clorox, and hand sanitizer flew off the shelves in April? Well, that makes me wonder, were folks not being sanitary prior to this pandemic?

It’s ok. I’m not even mad. You can continue your newly found habits to keep this thing manageable. Wash your hands. Don’t stick your hands in your mouth or touch your face if you haven’t. Wear a face mask when you’re in large groups. If not to protect yourself, then to protect someone else. Clean surfaces, and maybe chill on the big group gatherings until we get a better handle on this. It’s ok to still social distance. You don’t need to be up in everybody’s grill anyway. That’s also how other (less deadly) viruses spread.

In the return of COVID I’ve seen people advised as an outpatient to self-quarantine, ignore those doctor orders and infect their whole family. And while a young person may feel just fine, an aging parent or grandparent won’t fair as well.

I’ve seen people come to the hospital to get tested (and test positive) after leaving their shift at a restaurant. SMH. If you are symptomatic, stay home! I know we all need a paycheck, but this is life and death. I’m not exaggerating. I only wish I was.

Bottom line. Although COVID-19 left the news networks, it hasn’t left the hospital bedside. It hasn’t left your neighborhood. I’m not trying to scare you, but I am trying to educate you. Be smart and practice the previous guidelines. Just because life seems like it’s returning to “normal,” that doesn’t mean we have to. We can be better than before.

The Difference Between Taking a Knee and Bowing Before God

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I have been praying a lot this morning since the Lord put it on my heart to write about this topic. The thing is, this topic isn’t something I would personally choose to speak on. After all, I’m an introvert, and I absolutely hate conflict. I’m not one for arguing, and I’ll usually be the first person to concede in a disagreement. I’ve always felt like my battles belong to the Lord, and He will avenge me. He’s the only one who truly needs to see my heart, and it’s that nature that has typically caused me to step away from conflict, take the higher road, so to speak, and opt out of pointless arguments. I think silence is noble. That is, until it’s not.

God. It’s the only explanation I have for my feelings over the past few weeks. He has placed a fire in me, and on this subject I cannot just sit in my prayer closet. Y’all, prayer is powerful, and when we pray it gives strength to God’s people. But we are God’s people. It’s time to consider that we are the answer to prayer that God can use to change things. We are called to defend the powerless, to stand firm for justice, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. I guess God started by telling me that to love I must also fight; something I personally and previously had avoided. I have zero doubt that the passion I hold on this topic is from God. That is the only explanation for why I feel so determined to put something down that would be much easier for me to remain silent about.

I also realized that my desire doesn’t come from a place of pride. It’s not about me proving I’m right and someone else is wrong. It’s not a debate. It’s a desire for people to see the heart of God. There is a reason God hasn’t given up on us yet. He knows we have it within us to see, because He placed it within us. From the beginning of time man has fought between seeing with the heart of God, or seeing from a place of sin. My greatest desire isn’t to be right. It is to try and show God’s heart. Now that I’ve explained that, and humbled myself to the voice of the Lord, I ask you to do the same.

I have bad knees. When I was twelve years old a doctor told me they’d go out on me, and indeed I have pain with them even now. You see, I injured the right one (especially) in boot camp. We were going through a training exercise that lasted all through the night, and at the end of each scenario our drill instructer would gather us together with the deep call of “take a knee!”

Well, after forcibly taking enough knee on sand mixed into concrete, I burst that fluid sack around my knee cap. I felt the pain in my knee towards the early morning of our exercises, and I knew that taking a knee was hurting me physically. But not once did I consider it an insult to my spiritual woman. I was a born again believer, and my honor and commitment as a follower of Jesus actually showed to my fellow Sailors, earning me the title of Honor Recruit amongst my peers. It was cool; I got a statue and special parade. But anyway, my point is, as a young woman who loved Jesus more than anything, when that gruff Chief yelled “take a knee,” I never once thought of Daniel and felt it necessary to lament about not bowing before his gods. Laughable, right? I mean, I knew that’s not what he meant. Taking a knee in this instance meant something else. Common sense, folks.

I can remember as a high school cheerleader seeing the basketball coach call timeout, and the team would all huddle together, taking a knee. It was a time to regroup, focus their energies on what really mattered at that moment, and to come together as a team. I don’t remember anyone ever saying it was anything otherwise.

You see, I think we come up with things to argue about when a situation is uncomfortable for us. Racism is bad. The majority of this world agrees. What we don’t want to admit is that it still exists, that it’s a problem that hasn’t been solved, and the worst part, that most of us still exhibit racist tendencies. Admitting you’re wrong is really hard, and standing up for what is right is even harder, especially if you’re in the minority. When I was praying for the Lord’s voice specifically on this, I felt Him impress this comment to my heart.

It’s easier to argue with the truth than to admit to the ugliness inside you.

Taking a knee began in 2016 with an NFL player who refused to stand during the National Anthem. He stated that he could not show reverence to a flag that represented a country that did not stand against injustice and with equality for all. He was specifically speaking to the death of a black man by law enforcement (back in 2016). Sound familiar? It was his right not to stand, and to instead kneel. To take a knee. At this point taking a knee began to represent what this player meant for it to represent: the protest against inequality.

That is not what it became. I am an extremely patriotic individual. I am a veteran of the Armed Forces, and I’m that friend who will call you out on flag etiquette. Don’t get me started on the trend of senior portraits draped in a flag. All I’m saying is, I’m a patriot, but taking a knee wasn’t about being unpatriotic. No more than it is about the latest argument I see.

“I’ll only take a knee to Jesus Christ.”

Sigh. Yeah. In light of this fallacy, this mass confusion that’s abounding, I felt it necessary to write a blog about the difference in taking a knee and bowing before the Lord. Yep, folks truly seem to be confused about that. Or are they? Is it really just a way to avoid the ugliness within us all? To pretend we don’t battle sin? Let’s look a little deeper.

Why did I mention taking a knee in bootcamp and ballgames up above? It’s because the act of taking a knee isn’t an issue until it’s in regards to something that makes us uncomfortable. When we’re faced with admitting we’ve been wrong we get defensive, and we try to think of reasons that we must really be right.

Hence, taking a knee, a movement that originated with Black Lives Matter and the fight for equality (and continues to represent that), has instead become an apparent affront to God. It’s become bowing down to Satan (Luciferianism), Democrats (the Left), or man (the world’s opinion). This crazy bait and switch took off like wildfire, and before you knew it a large number of “Christians” felt that the taking of a knee was synonymous with rejecting the Lord Jesus Christ. Can you see the slapping forehead emoji right now?

You can take a knee to huddle during a ballgame timeout, but not for equality. You can take a knee to scrub your floors, but not in the fight against injustice. I saw a man on his knees changing his tire the other day. I didn’t stop to scream at him “how dare you worship that piece of rubber,” but I did stop to take a knee with him and help. Think about that. Read it again.

It comes down to an issue of pride and humility. It hurts my old knees to take one, but I do. It hurts to admit you’re wrong. It hurts to take an inventory of your heart. It hurts to humble yourself, be a servant, and apologize for something you may not even be responsible for or a part of. Jesus didn’t bring sin into the world, but He certainly knew how to take it out. We argue that we only take a knee to Jesus, forgetting He took a knee to wash the disciples feet. We say we only bow down to Jesus, yet we ignore His example of humility, love, and service. Jesus took up for the Samaritan woman and the leperous man the church threw out of the gates. When minority groups are being treated less, thrown out of the city gate, murdered in broad daylight, or shunned for trying to say “my life matters,” don’t you think Jesus would be the one right there taking up for the weak, and yes, taking a knee with them?

Y’all, Satan is called the great deceiver for a reason. I’m going to use strong words right now, so be prepared. You cannot be a Christian in name only. You must walk the walk, in addition to talking the talk. I’m not sure if you can see how divisive it is to dig your heels in so stubbornly? Stubbornness is the refusal to admit wrong doing or to check your own heart. The Bible tells us to ask God to guard our hearts and minds from evil, yet a closed mind will never be available to hear from Him. How many times did Jesus say “they have eyes but don’t see, and ears but don’t hear?” How many times did He warn against the yeast of the Pharisees? Guys! It’s not the Democrats who are destroying people. I mean, not just on their own. It’s Christians. And that brings me to tears. We are holding the title of Jesus followers, but not following His teaching.

Seriously. If you have made a Facebook post in the last two weeks about “all lives matter,” but you haven’t read the Bible in those two weeks, you could be part of the problem. If you’ve said “I only take a knee for Jesus,” but you don’t actually kneel and pray to Him every single day, you could be part of the problem. If you’ve only shared the post of a black person on social media when it agrees with your own opinion (and let’s be honest, you had to really look for that one in one hundred that agreed with you) then you might be part of the problem. If you’ve remained silent because you don’t want to cause waves with a controversial subject, then you could be part of the problem. I mean, I get it, my knees hurt too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t take one, literally or figuratively. If you cannot humble yourself and try to listen to the hurting heart of another human being, because it makes you uncomfortable, you are definitely part of the problem.

We are in this world with a population who is hurting, and they’re crying out for help. If you’re too busy twisting words so they suit your bubble, you are part of the problem. Do you know the difference between taking a knee and bowing down to the Lord? Those who take a knee are standing for injustice. Those who bow down to the Lord know their master’s heart, they know His commandments to love, and those who truly bow down to the Lord have no problem humbling themselves beside those who have been forced to take a knee.

You’ve Heard the Thunder. Now Watch For the Lightning.

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This morning a summer storm came quickly to our neighborhood, and as I looked out the large, living room window at the dark clouds in the distance, a bolt of lightning touched down.

“Look girls,” I said to my young daughters. “Lightning!”

It was magnificent to me, and I continued to explain to my girls, “do you hear the thunder? Just wait a few beats, then you’ll see the lightning.”

As I said those words I felt the Spirit of God strongly. I’ve discovered over the years that when the Lord brings something to my mind and I speak it, He will kinda punch my spirit when He wants me to pay special attention. That’s the only way I know to describe it. All I know is my thoughts halt, and my brain and heart understand that the thought or words I may have spoken were impressed to me through the Lord.

Naturally, I asked God, “ok, Lord. What are you trying to tell me through this thunder and lightning out there?”

You have heard the thunder.

In a storm, like the one we watched this morning, thunder and lightning happen at approximately the same time, but as many of you know, lightning travels faster than thunder (even though it is moving at supersonic speeds) and thus we see the flash before we hear the thunder. The thing is, my daughters had previously missed the lightning, the display of His glory, yet they had been unable to miss the roar of His thunder. It had cried out for their attention, and now they only had to look away from the distraction of their tablets to see the magnificent light.

Thunder roars, and although God most often speaks through a whisper, desiring hearts that press in close and listen, sometimes He speaks in a roar. This world we are living in has always been noisy and distracting, but it seems to me that God had decided to use His Big Poppa voice to get our attention. We have not been listening, as a whole, so this year I think He decided to pull out all the stops and speak with the kind of authority even the deaf can hear.

He has roared with an unprecedented crash, as pandemic reared its ugly head. He has allowed sickness to shake the atmosphere, and in His mercy brought healing too.

He has roared the difficulty of the ensuing social isolation and financial loss, yet shown His grace through the silver linings of time together with family, the generosity of others, the giving spirit of mankind, the power of prayer when Saints unite.

I have seen His gifts emerge in me, and the roar of His Spirit speaking to my heart, even as the world seemed to fall apart around me at the seams.

We have seen the roar of an angry God, who seeks justice for all His children. We’ve seen the evil of the enemy using mankind to bring death, and we’ve seen our God manage to use it for good. We’ve seen Him bring out the roar in His children, bringing courage, conviction, clarity, and a determination to stand for what is right.

He has roared that enough is enough, and He has heard the cries of the afflicted.

You have heard the thunder. Now watch for the lightning.

The lighting will always accompany the thunder. The lightning is the power. It is the electrifying force that can bring fire to a dead, dry tree, but I think in this instance it wants to bring fire to dry bones. Arise, dry bones, and come to life!

I continued to think about this force. How do we prepare for lightning? Well, we usually take shelter, and I think the Lord is calling us like never before to find our purpose and meaning in the shelter of His wings. There, even when the enemy comes against us, we will be saved.

Then I thought of Benjamin Franklin. Do you remember in elementary school seeing the image of Benjamin Franklin flying a kite in a lightning storm? People probably thought he was crazy, but he understood that he needed to utilize the power above him. He knew he needed to harness that power, and in doing so, he could bring light to the darkness. In all reality, Ben Franklin didn’t invent electricity with his actions, but he did demonstrate the connection between lightning and electricity. I think we as a people need a reminder that the power above is what truly brings us light, no matter what your power bill may say.

The point is, we must be prepared to hold up our lightning rods, to direct the power of God towards the earth, and bring some much-needed illumination. We find ourselves in the middle of a storm in this country right now, but it is up to us how we will proceed. We have heard the roar of thunder, but now will we have eyes to see the lightning?

How can God use you? Right here, right now, in the middle of the torrential downpour in this country? Will you stand for truth, justice, and the heart of God? Will you raise your hands in surrender, saying, “God, I haven’t always gotten everything right, but I’m ready to be used by you!”

As believers in Jesus, we are a house on a hill, and our light can no longer be hidden in the safety of our storm cellars. We have to rise and watch for the lightning. We must open our eyes to His power and Spirit, and be ready to conduct that to everyone we encounter.

The Word says that by their fruit you will know them, and the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I think many of us, myself included, if we took an inventory of our actions, would see that our fruit has been lacking.

I don’t think it’s too late, though. I think that the Lord has sent His thunder to grab our attention. It’s been distracted by the world for far too long. We have all heard the thunder this year, but now it is up to us to watch for His lightning. He is sending His power to those who ask, and He is ready to use that power to impact the world in a positive way. Will we be beacons of the light He gives, or will we hide it under a basket?

In the end, the choice is ours. Who will we serve in the storms of life? A time is coming to choose darkness or light, and thankfully the Lord is calling to us with a roar. Don’t ignore the call.